unrequited love

kamikaze on you hoes i’m the sacrificial lamb

—–

To you whom I love. The mother of my daughter…

We are… quite different.

You are spiritually minded. I am too… but more like the hippies were back in the ’70s.

You have been nothing but honest to me. Myself, far less so. Nothing seems to come by ‘easily’ for you, while I have survived by the generosity of those around me.

Perhaps you may feel that your life is harder, more complicated because of my presence in your life. Or that things would be easier if I just believed the same things that you did, those tenets of existence that have kept you from going insane.

I’m sorry, I just don’t believe. I feel your heart pleading for me to just believe, that it is the answer that will create our forever ever afters. But I can’t lie to myself anymore… I just can’t.

Perhaps it is fated that we will never be together the way you desired. And it’s quite sad, because I wanted the same life too… just altered in some respects that I don’t expect you to accept.

And it’s all okay, even if my heart still longs for you and never reaches its’ aim during my waking life, because the aim wasn’t the point.

The point is, that I love you. And even if you don’t, I really don’t give a fuck. I love you anyway.

It may not seem like that, especially given the way I’ve acted towards you. How I was unable to be there in your times of need, even though I wanted to be, because I felt that I had to fix some things in my life first.

Perhaps you will never understand, much the same way people naturally don’t see eye to eye…

From a purely biased standpoint, it’s fucked up. But on the perspective of a lifetime, facing down death which is guaranteed to us all, it’s cool.

(had to get that off my chest. phew!)

These antidepressants have turned me into a fucking insomniac. But then when I stop taking it, my libido gets turned up to 13 and I’m out of fucking control again. (I really don’t mean to curse so… I’m a really nice person, honest.)

I’m just a lil’ stressed out, you see. Paranoia was part of my worries (jejejejeje, if only you knew the HALF of it!), but my experiences have helped me calm down a hell of a lot more. Maybe too calm, haha!

And now:

IT’S ASTROLOGY TIME! YAAAYYYYYYYY

what the fuck is astrology time?

Well, back in the day, the planets were used as muses to symbolize parts of the human psyche. Venus stood for love, Jupiter for jollity, Uranus for eccentric stuff (which I associate my significant other with, haha…)

Today’s planet is Mars. Why? Because I’ve been playing Hearthstone a lot and I feel a lot of bloodlust right now after reaching Rank 17 and settling down to 18 currently. fuuuuuu….

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3 thoughts on “unrequited love”

  1. Sorry I’m liking a lot of your posts at one time…I’m just now getting the chance to read them. You are pretty skilled….keep it up!!!! 🙂 Also, Love is wonderful….but human beings make it so exhausting. I am guilty of it myself. I’m trying to change my ways….slightly.

    Like

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