joie de vivre

you can be your own worst critic.  for some, it’s a survival mechanism.  to say, ‘I can survive anything if I can survive the worst self loathing.’

Letting past mistakes go, to move forward and someone not look back… well, I cannot speak for anyone else, so i’ll just speak for myself.  I would’ve been wiped off the face of the earth a long time ago if I could not do this.

Depression always felt like there was a physical analog to it.  Like, it heightened unpleasant stimuli.  (Then, there are those manic episodes of pleasure that seem to be ever so fleeting…)

Without that concept of… for lack of a better term, the divine… redemption for one’s sins, and graceful alternatives to Darwinism which exist, I probably may not have been born to write this.  Or, my life may have revolved around things which, when considering how serious life can get, are of no real consequence.  (an idiot full of sound and fury…)  Not to say that I’m anyone special, far from it. 

But I am grateful to have experienced this thing called ‘life’, would like to smile and genuinely mean it, and I wish that everyone could feel the same.  Even if you feel responsible for something really messed up (like I did with the Iraq war), you can still be an awesome person. 


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