catharsis

I really am trying to do right by those whom I care about.  Some would say that what I did six months ago was an abdication of responsibility, but… I felt that I needed to do it.  That day was not easy.  I went the whole day without eating… sat by the promenade over the BQE lightly contemplating the consequences of jumping off.  Felt a lot of sadness, feeling like I couldn’t be that person to make you happy.  Felt like it was all in vain, which made me sad and angry at the same time.  Felt unappreciated, and you felt the same (quite understandably, I might add.)

Felt like I needed to, in old military speak, ‘make bold adjustments.’  Felt like my identity was being dissolved only to be subsumed by… others that… hell, I didn’t know who I was.

Just peace of mind, is all I want.  For myself, and for everyone else.

working for vacation.

Working just to stay afloat.  It sure beats being homeless, or mentally incapable of independence and having your diet dictated by others which might not sync optimally with what you need… I am grateful for those who decided to give me a chance.  Grateful that I could help my daughter grow up.  I don’t wish to be ungrateful.

‘reach for the stars, or at least yoink a rocket that can take us to the moon!’ – me, to my daughter

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