stability (in 420 words.)

Around six months ago, my life changed dramatically.  And since then, I’ve gone through some cathartic moments that seemed to impress upon me some of the more serious aspects of what it means to be an adult in a metropolis.  Mentally, it wasn’t easy.

To those of you that go to church, and believe in God… I am really happy for you.  I wish you all the best.  But, for the time being, that is not my path to follow.  I’m sorry.  Considering that the topic of faith is quite sensitive, I’ll leave it at that for now.

Reasons to exist.

I found myself thinking today, ‘I didn’t ask to be born here.’  But neither are any of us, either.  What is happiness?  Such questions I haven’t asked myself in a while, at least since I stopped taking philosophy classes at school.

I smoked a lot of weed back then.  Feeling stagnant and dissatisfied with what life seemed to offer back then, marijuana offered a sense of chaos that otherwise didn’t exist.  Plus, some of my other senses were heightened as well.  This isn’t about glorifying drugs or anything like that; if anything, I’m trying to be as neutral as possible.  Especially since there was that pervasive element of paranoia, of hypervigilance.  That, if I was caught burning a God-given herb that is way less harmful than tobacco, that I would be fined, locked up and rejected by so many members of the society in which I interact with regularly.

The Salem witch hunts come to mind.  So much for that topic.

I can pensively say that I’m decently well-versed when it comes to having experienced many different psychoactive substances.  At least, the more commonly used ones (and a few outliers).  Do I see anything inherently bad about them?  Not really.  Would I recommend them to everyone?  Hell no!

Why am I writing all this?

Well, it feels like that era of experimentation has come to a close.  A friend of mine told me that, when you are gifted with the responsibility of raising a child to adulthood, that certain foundations need to be established lest certain… generational curses (recurring issues that have been serious problems for generations past) revisit those who are to come.

It has been almost nine years now.  Psychoactive usage does not define my life, but it has been radically influential in terms of shaping who I am as a person.  In my honest opinion, it has been cathartic in mostly good, and sometimes bad ways.


3 thoughts on “stability (in 420 words.)”

  1. Church is a touchy topic for me to. I try to transparently talk about it without being offensive, but that is inevitable, and I am not short handing my testimony so people can take it or leave it. 😀 I HATE religion, but i thrive through Faith.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Trust me, I know. There are so many complications with my own story. I am just now gaining the boldness to speak about some things. Never an easy thing to do, and everyone talks about stuff like that in their own timing….or not all, and that’s okay to 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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