negative reinforcement :stream of consciousness:

that feeling of the invincibility of youth is slowly beginning to wear off. it’s a scary feeling, knowing that you are potentially vulnerable to so much. especially when it comes to the (personally) unfamiliar realms of emotion and the mind.

negative reinforcement.  otherwise known as avoiding unnecessary risks.  (playing it safe?  eh, that might not be quite accurate.)  when is risk a necessary thing?

been filling out job applications online like never before.  got two calls in less than 48 hours, and one interview.  yay!  told to dress biz casual.  (what is business casual… to me?)  the world of business will be a strange place when blokes & sheilas my age start becoming presidents an’ all that.

can’t rest on my laurels.  gotta keep it moving.  the icky tasting multivitamin helps keep me going.

other cathartic stuff going on emotionally.  walking on eggshells.  don’t want to let people down.  but i don’t feel 100%, so I don’t want to get hopes up either.  adult responsibilities that i’ve been running away from for a while, and I can’t run any longer.  Easier to stand my ground, dig deep and gather my energies… the energy of the earth that I am irresistably drawn to (dat gravity) and move with around the sun.

And then, the disparate elements of our solar system moving in tandem to the larger dance of the Milky Way.  Alchemical change…

… ahh, lost in thought again.  Gotta come back to earth and get a haircut for my interview tomorrow.  :sigh:

kayla’s dad… lol rekt.  that’ll prolly be me when my daughter grows up, haha.

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