self medication

last week had me self-medicating.  i honestly didn’t mean to, but I felt so overwhelmed with sadness.

having hope for the future has been something I’ve had issues with for a while.  being a veteran of a war, even though I haven’t seen combat firsthand ~ just the concept of war is a source of profound sadness for me.  that, and other things…

Church, peace of mind… the story of Jesus.  I used to think them false.  Like it was missing something…

such a profound story.  a person, an avatar, who takes on the worst qualities of humanity and takes it to the grave.  that even the worst elements of society can come around and show the absolute best.

my family.  and extended family of humanity (including all you bloggers!), grandchildren and so forth.  wouldn’t wish the way that I’ve been feeling on my worst enemy.

I’ve been recounting those moments in my life where I was mere centimeters, minutes, seconds from having a messed-up life that I may not have recovered from… and I am thankful.  There is hope.

Coming home on the train yesterday, there was a lady who seemed like she was on something really hard, quoting scriptures and singing gospel songs.  I saw myself in her right away.  Not only that, but…

When I say God, I don’t necessarily refer to a strictly Christian concept.  Call me a heretic, but I believe in something of a very wide scope that encompasses the range of all living things.  It’s easy to get caught up in semantics, so I say ‘God’ as most people would have an idea of what I’m talking about.  But really, it goes beyond religious concepts and touches us at our very genetic makeup.

I guess that, what I really mean to say, is that you are loved.  We have issues that we need to work through, but you are loved.  We’ve all come a far way, yet there’s so much more distance to cover…

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